A Cramped and Blotchy Valentine’s Day Weekend
I’m avoiding all mention of Valentine’s stuff on the Internet today. I don’t want to read about paper art in card form or handmade anything themed with red. I especially don’t want to read about romantic love.
Today has been a bad day for me. I woke up normally, but soon felt down, then achey. I told myself that I was catching the cold that my husband had last week, so I laid down and dosed for half an hour. That helped, but then I was snapping at my cheerful and inquisitive son and choking up. Now my cheeks are covered with dried tears.
I tried to give my husband a Valentine’s Day date last weekend, something worthwhile and something we could re-connect over. It failed, and I stormed off; we sat in the car, shouting at each other in conversation for many minutes while our toddler sat in the car, asking over and over to go home. The rest of the day, his face was stoney and he didn’t speak much. He stayed up that night, waiting for me to climb in bed so we could talk. He ended up crying.
Now it’s my turn, I suppose. Even though we earnestly apologized to each other, I still feel robbed of the renewed connection that a date brings.
Marriages have ups and downs. This weekend, I discovered that, while neither of us hold grudges, he has a very long memory. We’re at a down point right now. This is cryptic on purpose; any bad things we have remaining between us have already been said and will not be thrown about into others’ ears. I’m not going to relate our bad date to you.
Not all of it is bad. I got an IM this morning from him that contained these words:
In spite of our occasional miscommunications
I’m still certain
I’m still certain
It was the right decision.
I love you.
I’m happy I married you.
Because no matter what comes up,
We find a way to work it out.
We’re slowly massaging the kinks out of this particular cramp. The skin is changing from blotched to clear.