Warming To Babies…
…in my own peculiar way.
(Sylvia, a new arrival at Backwards Attraction)
Yes, this picture makes my heart go pop, much like the little parasite inside me whose bones are growing and whose movements I can actually feel. And all the clothes I’ve added to my new baby registry at Amazon.com also make me excited. One way to see it is to comment here with your Email address (comments are screened on this entry, so everyone won’t see your info) if you want the link.
You see, I like kids. Today, I walked by a girl with straight, brown hair and honest eyes who was sitting in the grass by the laundry room, and I want one of those. I was just reminiscing about how many scout activities I went to that I didn’t get to participate in; I want my own boy scout. But I’m not necessarily fond of babies. All they do is poop, sleep, eat, and cry. I’m depending a whole lot on the chemical connection between mother and child to prevent me from injuring my baby in frustration.
I was never baby-hungry in all the time I was married and going to school. Sometimes it felt like we were surrounded by babies every Sunday, but I don’t think I ever turned to Just’In and said, “I want one of those.” A lot of that was because I knew we’d just be handing off the kid to relatives, day-cares, babysitters, instead of taking the responsibility ourselves.
I also knew that I’d get so guilty for doing so that I’d drop out of school so my kid could have a healthy childhood without me sitting at the dinner table every night, doing homework while the kid starved. My goal of getting a bachelor’s degree was too strong. Yeah, the practicality issues prevented any hunger then; now, conditions are as prime as they’ll get to grow a kid and start the family of my own that I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember.
I had a friend asking me why in the world I was pregnant if I didn’t like babies. Because babies grow into kids, and pregnancy is the easiest way to get one of your own. I think. Remind me that I’ve said this when labor and birth come along; I’m thinking of the lengthly time and paperwork an adoption takes. In all honesty, I have to try this method before I think about adoption. To see if it’s worth it and if it’s bearable.
But to get a look like the one from Sylvia? I think I’m growing fond of the idea of my own baby. As much as they smell. As much as they’ll hurt.