Almond Breadcrumbs for a Hip Version of The Birdlady
If anyone ever offers me almond bread, I’ll know to run away quickly, glancing backward to make sure they don’t follow me, with plate in hand.
Along with that image, please visualize this: a pregnant girl slowly walking along the sidewalk, sprinkling breadcrumbs along the grass lawn beside her. Now visualize this pretty much every week for the last few months. A pleasant pasttime, but not when almond bread never seems to disappear from your freezer.
Now the fillers for these two images. Just’In’s grandma has a German/Austrian/from-Holland friend who gave her lots of almond bread for a Christmas present. And then again for an Easter present. And guess who got most or all of it because Grandma and Grandpa don’t like it? Yep. And it all got frozen.
And then it all got freezer burn, so I pulled it out, let it thaw in the plastic, and then set it out to dry for a few days. Someone had packaged this stuff four or five pieces at a time, so it dried four or five pieces at a time. And then got fed the multitudes of birds we have living around here.
Yes, I think it’s gross, too, with or without freezer burn. But the birds like it; it crumbles easily and makes my fingers only slightly tingly when it’s all broken apart. I know how the old, crazy birdladies who live among pigeons feel–a sense of generosity, well-wishing well-being, and a sense of beneficial motherhood because of all that food-spreading. Only I do it with no shoes and long red hair.
And I organized my freezer two days ago because falling objects attacked me whenever I went looking for food. The difference between the birdlady covered in poop and me is that I groaned when I found one last package of almond bread. And the birds only come for my food after the human scent of me has left.