Countering the Fat Feeling
I now look visibly pregnant. I can still hide it pretty well by clothes, if I really want to, but I also have the inclination to rest my hand in a spot underneath my breasts and above this new arch that has formed.
I fight a strange ingrained doctrination of feeling fat and feeling like I need to lose weight– I’ve only felt close to this once before in my life, and it was after a road trip in which we did virtually nothing but sit in the car and eat really rich meals. That weight was surprising because I have a really quick metabolism and have always been able to eat whatever I want, whenever. But I burned off the road trip weight doing normal, daily activities, and the surprise I felt then didn’t linger.
By nature, I’m constantly moving or doing something. Even when I sit around and read all day, I’m shifting my position and don’t feel inclined to eat much because I only need curiosity to fuel a reading habit. When just sitting in class or in church, I’m wriggling my foot or doodling or tapping my fingers in some unconscious rhythm. I’m even an active sleeper.
Now is the first time I’ve really felt those feelings of physical inadequacy that the media and an underlying male society ingrains in all girls. Apparently, it is even ingrained in me–one who rarely wears makeup, has really long hair, feels successful if she shaves her legs once a week, loves food and sleep and the simple pleasures.
To counter those fat feelings, I look at beautiful photo projects of other pregnant women. We’re taking my own series of pictures, one a week, to chart my progress; we’re going to turn it into a quick slideshow when the parasite finally pops. But while we’re slowly working on ours, you can look at the two I’ve found so far: This quick video called How To Make A Baby, and a site that has a little bit of language shock to it, but is still beautiful, honest photography: Pacing the Panic Room, appropriately named because the father is the photographer.
Anybody else have links to counter these weird fat feelings, or any other good pregnancy projects? I’d love to see them.