Memory’s Tool in Self-Validation
I’ve been mentally punching myself over the last few days. My writing’s on the brain, and my first thought to start the entire guilt process was, “When I graduated, I told myself I’d start writing the tree novel and sending short stories and poetry out to get published in magazines. Why haven’t I done any of that?!”
Earlier this week, I stopped beating myself up about the magazine non-progress; we hope to move soon. If I sent stuff out now or even six months ago, our address possibly could change in the next month. I’d hate for stuff to return to the senders, rejection or acceptance, because it didn’t get to me. Plus, that writing will always be there, waiting. None of it is date-dependent, like a news story or a social feature. I could send it out in three years, and it would still be good writing.
Yesterday, I stopped beating myself up about the novel non-progress. I have had progress, it just hasn’t produced a body of writing that one can read in story form. Instead, I have a notebook full of ideas and general world-building progress. I’ve got a tree book that I’m almost finished reading, and it’s the thing that has stimulated all that world-building and plot development.
And just a few minutes ago, I realized that I haven’t been wasting this year at all. I’ve worked, first at Inkley’s, then as a substitute, and now at Family Dollar. I put quite a bit in savings, which has helped us pay doctor’s bills, and without my financial contribution paying for groceries, the Internet and our phones, we’d be pretty miserable by now.
Self-validation is a good thing; all I have to do is remember.