“Eew. Uhh, Waiter? Take A Look At This.”

I think it’s amusing to watch people pull a hair out of their food and cringe. No, I’m not some uncouth barbarian. Hear me out.

Hair in your food will not kill you. Swallowing it and having it go through your digestive system will not make you sick. It might tickle a little as it goes down your throat, but only if you concentrate on the sensation of every bite and on every texture as it nears the back of your mouth. Maybe that’s why hair found in food is always portrayed in restaurants, along with flies. You’re paying a lot for the food in front of you, a lot more than you would for food made at home, so you want to savour it more, to enjoy every last penny. Maybe that has something to do with the assumption that food at restaurants is just automatically of much better quality than anything you can make yourself. Thus, people look more at what’s in front of them (or maybe it’s just the low lighting) and feel it better as it oozes down their throats.

Of course, once they find a hair, they grimace. Yep, the cook took all her hair in a fist, dunked it into the pot of your food, and stirred it around a few times while laughing softly. Those grimaces follow comments that question cleanliness. So a hair dropped in your food. I’m genuinely sorry; the cook forgot to walk through the half-hour vacuum chamber that the restaurant has installed in back, right next to the boxes of hairnets and gloves.

Don’t let your face break when you find that hair, whether it be in a restaurant or not. It’s one hair; it’s not a hair casserole that requires spinning your fork to collect all the spider-webby nastiness. Please, just shrug, toss it into an empty space behind your chair and let gravity take it to the floor, where it will be collected later with all the rest of the dead skin and dust.

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About The Original Kate

Along with artistic tendencies, Kate enjoys unusual people and is constantly striving for some sort of nonconformity. Kate offers a perspective that is thoughtful but well-written and full of images within the words. Other tidbits that might intrigue: she has very long auburn hair, and, you guessed it, her favorite color is orange.

Posted on April 12, 2008, in From Rabid-Mormon Land Known As Utah. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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